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It still bothered her when she recalled that the spirits had not been returned after she was death-cursed. Creb had taken them back from Iza, after the old medicine woman died, so they would not go with her to the spirit world, but no one had taken them from Ayla. If she had a piece of the spirit of every member of the Clan, had Broud caused them to be cursed with death, too. The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 3 It was near morning when she had a dream that took on a different dimension, ominous and otherworldly. In the dream she had two sons, brothers whom no one would guess were brothers. One was tall and blond, like Jondalar, the other, older one, she knew was Durc though his face was in shadow. The two brothers approached each other from opposite directions in the middle of an empty, desolate, windblown prairie. She felt great anxiety; something terrible was about to happen, something she had to prevent. Then with a shock of terror, she knew one of her sons would kill the other. As they drew closer, she tried to reach them, but a thick, viscous wall held her trapped. They were almost upon each other, arms raised as though to strike. She screamed. "Ayla! Ayla! What’s wrong?" Jondalar said, shaking her. Suddenly Mamut was beside him. "Wake up child. Wake up!" he said. "It is only a symbol, a message. Wake up, Ayla!" "But one will die!" she cried, still filled with the emotions of the dream. "It is not what you think, Ayla," Mamut said. "It may not mean one ... brother will die. You must learn to search your dreams for their real meaning. You have the Talent; it is very strong, but you lack training." Ayla’s vision cleared and she saw two concerned faces looking at her, both tall men, one young and handsome, the other old and wise. Jondalar was holding up a stick of burning wood from the fireplace, to help her wake up. She sat up and tried to smile. "Are you all right now?" Mamut asked. "Yes. Yes. I am sorry to wake you," Ayla said, lapsing into Zelandonii, forgetting the old man did not understand that language. "We will talk later," he said, smiling gently, and returned to his bed. Ayla noticed the drape to the other occupied bed fall shut as she and Jondalar settled back down on their sleeping platform, and felt a little embarrassed that she had created such a stir. She cuddled to Jondalar’s side, resting her head in the hollow beneath his shoulder, grateful for his warmth and presence. She was almost asleep when her eyes suddenly flew open again. "Jondalar," she said in a whisper, "how did Mamut know I dreamed about my sons, about one brother killing the other?" But he was already sleeping. The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 4 Tulie looked at Ayla and the horse, with the travois and panniers, obviously impressed. "I never thought of using a horse to carry a load." she said. "In fact, it never occurred to me to use a horse for anything except food - until now." The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 8 The old man gave her a
searching look. She’s frightened, he thought. No wonder, she
didn’t expect it. It’s fearful enough the first time
when you’re prepared for it. But I didn’t think to
prepare her. I didn’t suspect her natural ability would be
so great. She didn’t even take the somuit. Her gift is too
powerful. She must be trained for her own protection, but how
much can I tell her now? I don’t want her to think of her
Talent as a burden she must bear all her life. I want her to know
it is a gift, even though it carries a heavy responsibility ...
but She doesn’t usually bestow Her Gifts on those who cannot
accept them. The Mother must have a special purpose for this
young woman. He didn’t believe
it was chance that led Ayla to the Lion Camp. The Mother has been lavish with Her Gifts to you," Mamut said. Jondalar’s forehead furrowed with concern. Too much attention from Doni was not necessarily desirable. He had been told often enough how well favored he was; it hadn’t brought him much happiness. Suddenly he remembered the words of the old white-haired Healer who had Served the Mother for the people of the Sharamudoi. The Shamud had told him once that the Mother favored him so much no woman could refuse him, not even the Mother Herself could refuse him - that was his gift - but warned him to be wary. Gifts from the Mother were not an unmixed blessing, they put one in Her debt. Did that mean Ayla was in Her debt? The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 11 Ayla stopped, stared at the white hair, the wrinkled old face, of the venerable old man. "Iza walk in spirit world now. She was not born when you come ... and Creb ... he was boy, not yet chosen by Ursus. Creb was an old man when he die ... how can you still live?" "I have wondered myself why the Mother chose to grant me so many seasons. I think she has just given me an answer." The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 12 The cave seemed deserted. Everything useful that they weren’t taking with them had been put back in the storage holes and cairns, just in case they might want to come back for it someday, though neither one believed they ever would. The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 15 Ayla awoke and lay with
her eyes open, looking around the dim interior, fighting down a
growing panic. She didn’t feel well, she had a headache, and
the muffled stillness felt heavy in the stale air of the tent.
Something was wrong, but she didn’t know what. She sensed a
familiarity about the situation, or a memory, as though
she’d been there before, but not quite. It was more like a
danger she ought to recognize, but what? Suddenly she
couldn’t bear it and sat up, pushing the warm covers off the
man lying beside her. "I had a dream. I
was in a dark place, darker than night, and I was suffocating,
Jondalar. I couldn’t breathe!" "I poked a spear through the smoke hole and broke through the snow. We’ll have to dig ourselves out, but the snow may not be as deep as it seems." He looked closely at her with concern. "What happened to you, Ayla? You had me worried. You kept saying you couldn’t breath. I think you fainted." "I don’t know. Maybe it was the lack of fresh air." "It didn’t seem that bad. I wasn’t having much trouble breathing. And you were really afraid. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so scared." Ayla was uncomfortable under his questioning. She did feel strange, a little light headed still, and seemed to recall unpleasant dreams, but she couldn’t explain it. "I remember once that snow covered up the opening of the small cave I stayed in when I had to leave Brun’s clan. I woke up in the dark and the air was bad. That must have been it." "I suppose that could make you afraid if it happened again," Jondalar said, but somehow he didn’t quite believe it, and neither did Ayla. The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 16 "Ayla does not have to dedicate herself, it is out of her hands. Trained or not, her life will Serve the Mother. I speak for her not to accept her into training, unless she wants it. I wish to adopt her as the daughter of my hearth." As Ayla listened to the old man, she felt a sudden chill. She didn’t think she liked the idea that her destiny was ordained, out of her hands, chosen for her at birth. What did he mean that she was dedicated by the Mother, and that her life would Serve the Mother? The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 17 "Is my amulet, Deegie. Holds Spirit of Cave Lion, of Clan, of me. Little pieces, like Ranec’s carving is little Whinney. Creb told me, if I lose amulet, totem cannot find me. I will die," Ayla tried to explain. The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 18 Ayla felt a great knot
of anxiety tighten in her stomach. She was a medicine woman, a
good medicine woman, and Iza had said someday she would be the
best. Now Mamut said she could not be the best without the help
of the spirits, and he must be right. Iza always asked Creb to
help to help, didn’t she?" "You were born to the Hearth of the Mammoth, born to the mysteries of the Mother, no matter where you were born or where you go." The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 20 The conversation continued, but Ayla’s mind wandered back to the Clan. Brun had been a good leader, but what would his clan do if Broud was not? She wondered if they would turn to a new leader, and who it might be. It would be a long time before the son of Broud’s mate was old enough. The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 23 "Do not hold back, Ayla. It is good for you to cry," he said, sitting on the edge of her bed and patting her gently. "It will all turn out as it should, as it is meant to be. It’s all right, Ayla." When she finally stopped, she found a piece of soft leather to wipe her face and nose, then sat up beside the old man. "I feel better now," she said. "It is always best to cry when you feel the need, but it is not over, Ayla." Ayla bowed her head. "I know." Then she turned to him and said, "But why?" "Someday you will know why. I believe your life is directed by powerful forces. You were picked for a special fate. It is not an easy burden you carry; look what you have already been through in your young life. But your life will not be all pain, you will have great joys. You are loved, Ayla. You draw love to you. That is given to you to help you bear the burden. You will always have love ... perhaps too much ..." The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 24 "If it is meant to be, Ranec," Mamut said kindly, "it will be, but remember this. The choice is not yours. It is not even hers. Ayla was chosen by the Mother for a purpose, and given many gifts. No matter what you decide, or what she decides, Mut has first claim on her. Any man who joins with her, joins also with her purpose." The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 24 "But I was
frightened, too, especially before Creb found me, and guided me.
And...since then, I’m...not the same. Sometimes my dreams
frighten me. I think he changed me." "Creb used to say a powerful totem is not always easy to live with. He was right. The Cave Lion gives powerful protection, but difficult tests, too. I have always learned from them, and have always been grateful, but it is not easy." "But necessary, I
believe. You were chosen for a special purpose." "you must be what
you must be, Ayla. It is your fate, your destiny. If you were not
able to do it, you would not have been chosen. Perhaps it is
something only a woman can do. But don’t be unhappy, child.
Your life will not be all trials and tests. There will be much
happiness, too. It just may not turn out as you want it to, or as
you think it should." "It is for the Mother to decide, and no matter what you do, you cannot change that. But if Jondalar was chosen, there must be a reason for it." The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 27 Mamut, already convinced
that she was destined to Serve the Mother in some important way,
took note of her instinctive sense of timing, and natural flair
for the dramatic, and knew that someday she would be a force to
be reckoned with. "She does not need my approval or acceptance, or anyone’s. The choice is hers. The choice will always be hers, no matter where she is. If ever she needs permission, I give it to her. But she will always remain the daughter of the Mammoth Hearth." The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 28 "I will never go to that place again," he continued. "I am too old. I do not want my spirit lost in that void. Someday, when you have developed your powers, you may want to go again. I would not advise it, but if you go, make sure you have powerful protection. Make sure someone waits for you who can call you back." The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 28 "I never thought about it ... I suppose if I wanted a young horse ... let me think ... you’d have to catch its mother. Remember the bison hunt last fall? If you were hunting horses, and drove a heard in a surround like that, you wouldn’t have to kill them all. You could keep a young one or two. Maybe you could even separate a young one from the rest, and let the others go, if you didn’t need them." Ayla smiled. "I find it harder to hunt horses, now." When they returned, most people were sitting around a large fire, eating. The two young women helped themselves and sat down. "We saw some saigas," Latie said. "Even little ones." The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 30 It’s too late, Talut thought, as he and Tulie approached the Sungaea Camp, followed by Nezzie and Ayla, who was leading Whinney with Mamut on her back. It was obvious they had interrupted something important. When the visitors were about ten feet away, the man with the red-colors face raised his arm and held up his hand, palm facing front. It was an obvious signal to stop. He spoke to Talut in a language that was different, yet there was something familiar about it to Ayla. She felt she should be able to understand it; a similarity to Mamutoi, perhaps. Talut answered, in his own language. Then the man spoke again. The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 30 "Ever since I left the Clan, I’ve always thought about going back to get my son someday. Now I know I never can. I can’t bring him here, and I can’t go back there. But knowing that I’ll never see him makes me feel that I just lost him all over again. I wish I could cry, grieve for him, mourn for him, but I just feel dry and empty." The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 30 Jondalar had expected that she hadn’t been more throughly denounced. He had expected her to be vilified, driven out, completely ostracized. Was the taboo worse among his people, or did he just think it was? The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 34 She was born to the
Mammoth Hearth, chosen by the Mother. She can only follow her
destiny, but now I know that I was chosen to be a part of it, and
why I was given so many years." No one there doubted that there was some purpose for his many years. If he said Ayla was the reason, then she was touched by the deep and unexplained mysteries of life and the world around them, which each of them felt called upon to struggle with. The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 32 Vincavec, like the old Mamut and the rest of the mamuti, was now convinced that Ayla was not just Mamut-- One Who Served the Mother--she had to be something more. Perhaps she embodied some supernatural presence; she might even be Mut Herself, incarnate. It was all the more believable because she did not flaunt it. But whatever her power, he was sure some important destiny awaited her. There was a reason for her existence, and he fervently wanted to be a part of it. She was the chosen of the Great Earth Mother. The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 35 "I’m going to miss the horses, too," Latie wailed, as she clung to Ayla. "Maybe you can get a little horse of your own someday, Latie," Ayla said. "I will miss the horses, too." Rugie said. Ayla picked her up and gave her a squeeze. "Then maybe you’ll have to get a little horse, too." She backed off, and smiled. "Danug! You are going to be such a man! I wish I were staying to see you grow into another Talut." "Maybe, when I’m older, I’ll make a long Journey and come to visit you!" The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 37 "How can I thank you for everything, Mamut?" "No thanks are necessary, Ayla. Our paths were meant to cross. I have been waiting for you without knowing it, and you have given me much joy, my daughter. You were never meant to go back for Durc. He was your gift to the Clan. Children are always a joy, but pain, too. And they all must lead their own lives. Even Mut will let Her children go their own way, someday, but I fear for us if we ever neglect Her. If we forget to respect our Great Earth Mother, She will withhold Her blessings, and no longer provide for us." The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 37 "I will tell you something else you must know, Jondalar," Mamut said. "I knew her destiny was with you from the beginning, and when the volcano erupted, I knew she would be leaving with you soon. But remember this. Ayla’s destiny is much greater than anyone knows. The Mother has chosen her, and her life will have many challenges, and so will yours. She will have need for your protection, and the strength your love has gained. That is why you had to learn that lesson. It is never easy to be chosen, but there are always great benefits, too. Take care of her, Jondalar. You know, when she worries about others, she forgets to take care of herself." The Mammoth Hunters, Chap 37
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