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The last was a piece of black manganese dioxide. Mog-Ur gave it to her when she was made a medicine woman, along with a piece of the spirit of every member of the Clan. Suddenly she had a thought that bothered her. Does that mean when Broud cursed me, he cursed everyone? When Iza died, Creb took back the spirits, so she wouldn’t take them with her to the spirit world. No one took them back from me. A sense of foreboding washed over her. Ever since the Clan Gathering, where Creb had learned in some inexplicable way that she was different, she had occasionally felt this strange disorientation, as though he had changed her. She felt a tingling, a prickling, a goose-bump-raising nausea and weakness, and a deep fear of what her death might mean to the entire Clan. The Valley of Horses, Chap 3 "Yes. I know what you want. You are concerned about your brother after what happened tonight, and in a larger sense, about him and Jetamio -- and you." Jondalar nodded. "Nothing is certain... you know that." Jondalar nodded again. The Shamud studied him, trying to decide how much to reveal. Then the old face turned toward the fire and an unfocused look gathered in the eyes. The young man felt a distancing, as though a great space had been put between them, though neither had moved. "Your love for your brother is strong." There was an eerie, hollow echo to the voice, an otherworldly resonance. "You worry that it is too strong, and fear that you lead his life and not your own. You are wrong. He leads you where you must go, but would not go alone. You are following your own destiny, not his; you only walk in tandem for a pace. "Your strengths are of a different nature. You have great power when your need is great. I felt your need of me for your brother even before we found his bloody shirt on the log that was sent for me." "I did not send the log. It was chance, luck." "It was not chance that I felt your need. Others have felt it. You cannot be denied. Not even the Mother would refuse you. It is your gift. But be wary of the Mother’s gifts. It puts you in Her debt. With a gift as strong as yours, She must have a purpose for you. Nothing is given without obligation. Even Her Gift of Pleasure is not largesse; there is purpose for it, whether we know it or not... "Remember this: you follow the Mother’s purpose. You need no call, you were born to this destiny. But you will be tested. You will cause pain and suffer for it..." The you man’s eyes flew open with surprise. "... You will be hurt. You will seek fulfillment and find frustration; you will search for certainty and find only indecision. But there are compensations. You are well favored in body and mind, you have more than ordinary sensitivity. Your vexations are the result of your capacity. You were given too much. You must learn by your trials. "Remember this as well: to serve the Mother is not all sacrifice. You will find what you seek. It is your destiny." "But ... Thonolan?" "I sense a break; your destiny lies another way. He must follow his own path. He is a favorite of Mudo." Jondalar frowned. The Zelandonii had a similar saying, but it didn’t necessarily mean good luck. The Great Earth Mother was said to be jealous for Her favorites and called them back to Her early. He waited, but the Shamud said no more. He didn’t fully understand the talk of "need" and "power" and "Mother’s purpose" - Those Who Served the Mother often spoke with a shadow on their tongue - but he didn’t like the feel of it. The Valley of Horses, Chap 11 How had she ever escaped from one when she was only five, with only a few scars to show for it? she was thinking, understanding better the Clan’s amazement. Why did the Cave Lion choose me? For a moment, she felt a strange presentiment. Nothing specific, but it left her thinking about Durc. The Valley of Horses, Chap 13 Her sleep was disturbed by dreams. She dreamed of Durc and Ura, grown up and mated. She dreamed of Whinney, in a different place with a bay colt. She woke once in a sweat of fright. Not until she was fully awake did she understand that she had her recurring nightmare of rumbling earth and terror. Why did she have that dream? The Valley of Horses, Chap 14 "Someday it will happen to you, Jondalar. Someday you’ll love a woman so much, you’d rather follow her to the world of the spirits than live without her." The Valley of Horses, Chap 18 "Mother! Motherrr!" "Ayla! Ayla! What’s wrong?" Jondalar shook her. He had been out on the ledge when he heard her scream in an unfamiliar language The Valley of Horses, Chap 22 He went to bed with unsettled, ambivalent feelings. He stared at the fire after he lay down, thinking. Suddenly he felt a distorting sensation, and something like vertigo without the dizziness. He saw a woman as though reflected in a pond into which a stone had dropped; a wavering image from which ripples spread out in larger and larger circles. He did not want the woman to forget him - to be remembered by her was significant. He sensed a divergence, a path splitting, a choice, and he had no one to guide him. A current of warm air raised the hair on the back of his neck. He knew She was leaving him. He had never consciously felt Her presence, but he knew when She was gone, and the void She left behind ached. It was the beginning of a new age, the end of the time when Her nourishment provided. The Earth Mother was leaving Her children to find their own way, to carve out their own lives, to pay the consequences of their own actions - to come of age. Not in his lifetime, not in many lifetimes to come, but the first inexorable step had been taken. She had passed on Her parting Gift, Her Gift of Knowledge. Jondalar felt an eerie keening wail, and he knew he heard the Mother cry. Like a thong stretched taut and released, reality snapped back into place. But it had been stretched too far and could not fit back into its original dimension. He felt that something was out of place. He looked across the fire at Ayla and saw tears flowing down her face. "What’s wrong, Ayla?" "I don’t know." The Valley of Horses, Chap 27 He frowned.
"Don’t ever lose it," he said. "With your
face on it, and maybe your spirit in it, it might not be safe if
someone else found it." The Valley of Horses, Chap 28 Jondalar ran, panting to catch his breath, trying to reach the opening of the cave ahead. He glanced up and saw the cave lion. No, no! Thonolan! Thonolan! The cave lion was after him, crouched, then leaped. Suddenly the Mother appeared, and, with a command, she turned the lion away. "Doni! It’s you! It’s you!" The Mother turned around, and he saw Her face. The face was the doni carved to resemble Ayla. He called out to Her. "Ayla? Ayla? Is it you?" The carved face came to life; Her hair was a golden halo surrounded by a red glow. "Yes, it’s I." The Ayla - doni grew and changed shape, became the ancient donii he had given away, the one that had been in his family for so many generations. She was ample and motherly and kept expanding until she was the size of a mountain. Then She began giving birth. All the creatures of the sea flowed out of Her deep cavern in a gush of birth water, then all the insects and birds of the air flew out in a swarm. The animals of the land - rabbits, deer, bison, mammoths, cave lions - and in the distance, he saw through a misty haze the vague forms of people. They drew near as the mists cleared, and suddenly he could see them. They were flatheads! They saw him and ran away. He called after them, and one woman turned around. She had Ayla’s face. He ran toward her, but the mists closed around her and enveloped him. He groped though a red fog and heard a distant roar, like a rushing waterfall. It grew louder, bore down on him. He was overwhelmed by a torrent of people emerging from the capacious womb of the Earth Mother, a huge mountainous Earth Mother with Ayla’s face. He pushed his way through the people, struggling to get to Her, and finally reached the great cavern, Her deep opening. He entered Her, and his manhood was probing Her warm folds until they enclosed him in their satisfying depths. He was pumping furiously, with unrestrained joy; then he saw Her face, awash with tears. Her body was shaking with sobs. He wanted to comfort Her, to tell Her not to cry, but he could not speak. He was pushed away. He was in the midst of a great crowd flowing out of Her womb, all wearing beaded shirts. He tried to fight his way back, but the great press of people carried him away like a log caught in the flood of birth water; a log carried by the Great Mother River with a bloody shirt clinging to it. He craned his neck to look back, and he saw Ayla standing in the mouth of the cavern. Her sobs echoed in his ears. Then, with resounding thunder, the cavern collapsed in a great rain of rocks. He stood alone, crying. The Valley of Horses, Chap 29
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